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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Starting Up

I have many times thought of starting a blog, hopefully to encourage other moms and to receive feedback from my readers, but everything seems to take up so much of my time already.  Everything seems to become a distraction to pull me away from reading my Bible, from spending time meditating and praying to the Lord.  Yet, in the recent past I have had several things happen to me that I want to share with others and/or receive feedback on me.  Please bear with me. I have never blogged before :o)
A little about my family and I.  We belong to a conservative Christian denomination which I will not name but it is based on a Calvinistic belief of salvation, election and justification.  We are dairy farmers and we homeschool our children.  We have 6 children, ages 1 week to 8 years old. 
I have struggled many times over the state of my soul and this will come up throughout.  I sometimes think I am just a doubting Thomas and I need more faith and other times I think I am like one of the "pilgrims" in John Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress who came down the easy side path or over the wall and I need to go back and find the wicket gate again.  Is it the devil talking? Trying to make me think nothing is real? Or wasn't it real? Did I base my salvation on mere experiences?  Sometimes it is so dark and hard and cold inside I think it is just as it was when I was a rebellious teenager and I have never really changed.  But yet, in the past week, when I was facing death as I was hemorraghing after giving birth to our sweet new baby girl, I could hold on to a promise the Lord gave me that morning in one of the Psalms, and which our children had been learning the Psalter on "God is our refuge and our strength, our ever present aid, and therefore though the earth remove, we will not be afraid...."  This song played over and over in my head as the doctor fought to save my life and my future possibilties of having more children.  What a comfort it was!

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